helpless

Last thursday started out like most thursdays. I got up, drank some tea, brushed my teeth, read God's word while pooing, went to work. I had no idea I'd be wakeing up in the hospital. I fell of a roof, broke my collar bone and busted my head open. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
The weird thing is, the night before my wife and I were at the hospital because Christine was in severe abdominal pain. Thankfully it subsided with no explanation. With our little girl on the way there is no taking chances.
Lately I have all but forgotten the events that transpired in my life to change the path to destruction into the journey of life.
When we got home from the hospital, the second time, I was dirty, bloody and tired. With a freshly broken collar bone and a concussion slowly wearing off, bathing myself was impossible. Fortunatly I was able to hide my tears as I helplessly sat while my wife cleaned my wounds.
Erieely, I was once again standing in the dewy morning outside the Salvation Army in Bradenton Fl. Sunrise just peeking the horizon, the smell of the dirt and grass and garbage, the sound of morning birds blended with the old cars of blue collar workers going to work. The only hope left was that of a quick ending. I havn't felt helpless or hopeless in so long.
It's sobering to remember that time and place in my life. It is absoultly beautiful to be comforted and cared for by my wife. My church has been making us dinners every night this week. They mowed our yard. And they are continually offering their services and prayers and time. I've never experienced people helping like this. I'm a little uncomfortable. I've learned the hard way not to depend on anyone but myself. I have started a mental list of all the people we have to pay back. how messed up is that?
The bible teaches us that our Father in heaven supplies our every need. Usually I take the credit for my own strength to work to sustain myself. In the heart of the matter I wonder if I think I make the sun shine the rain fall and the grass grow, all in my own little universe.
I feel as if God is trying to show me something, and I'm not yet seeing it.
I want to be closer to God. I want to trust Him more. I want to rely on Him more. I want to know Him more. I want to be known by Him, more.